Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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