I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
