i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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