I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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