got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
