I think i peed on brittanys purse
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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