I hate your face
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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