Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
