youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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