If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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