Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
