There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
