ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
now i know why i became what i already was.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
