please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
