there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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