I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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