i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
