yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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