funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
