he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Success! We fucked roommates!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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