We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
