How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
