So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
