I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
