and you said cock pushups were impossible
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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