I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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