she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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