Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
