I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Less talking, more tequila
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
