I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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