I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
