does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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