she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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