Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
