White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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