So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
