she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
wow bdsm is so cute
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
