Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
