just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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