I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
