It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
