Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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