I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
