we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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