I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
