talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
