Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
