bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
