I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
