Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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