Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
