Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
