bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
