I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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