Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
