I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
